Designed for Success

Chapter 1 – Call to Action 

“Listen as wisdom calls out! Hear as understanding raiser her voices. On the hilltop along the road, she takes her stand at the crossroads.” – Proverb 8:1-2, NLT 

Women Stereotypes 

Positive Stereotypes: Inclusive, Organized, Efficient, Hardworking, Supportive, Intuitive, Flexible, Relationship Oriented, Collaborative 

Negative Stereotypes: Caretaking, Emotional, Less capable, Weak, Sensitive, Irrational, Passive, Lacking confidence, Dependent  

Leadership Stereotypes: Rational, Analytical, Strategic, Direct, Visionary, Competitive, Focused, Results Oriented, Directive 

Take a deep breath, pick up your hammer and prepare the shatter some glass 
We construct virtual limits when we look outside ourselves to explain our disappointments or blame circumstances beyond our control. 

Beware of overused skills 
These are skills we are fond of because they have source of identity, recognition and promotion. 

Overused skills become liabilities. For example, detail orientation is strength until it becomes overdone, then it is called perfectionism, nit-picking, waste of time and annoying. 

3 things we must change 
1) How we use our time 
2) What we believe is important and focus on 
3) The skills we need to be successful 

Take responsibility of your own actions. Prepare yourself for leadership positions – mentors, sponsors and strong network are key strategies for women. 

Chapter 2 – Manage Your Message from the Inside Out 

How we present ourselves becomes what others believe about us. And what others believe about us and our abilities shapes their responses to us. Finally, the responses we receive from others come back around to reinforce the original belief. 

What I believe about myself  What I say to myself  What I say about myself – how I present myself to others  What others believe about me and how they responds to me 

Release Your Internal Brake 
Start with what you believe yourself, and then listen to what you say to yourself. 

The Critic Living in Your Head
Manage self-talk by becoming more aware of it. 

Once you isolate the negative messages, replace them with positive, empowering ones. 

Never say anything to yourself or to anyone else that you do not sincerely wish to be true. 

There is a Prophet Inside of you Predicting the Future 
You will find that the beliefs that are limiting you by noticing what you believe about yourself, and what you expect for yourself. You release the internal brake by reflecting on your abilities, firing the critic and managing the prophet. 

Marketing vs. Modesty
Make your progress visible, and your results obvious and your story compelling. 

8 tips to marketing yourself graciously 
1. Instead of talking about what you did, talk about the difference it made 
2. Instead of talking about what you can’t do, talk about what you can do and what you are learning to do 
3. Talk about your goals and how to plan to measure success 
4. Debrief results with your boss candidly and without apology 
5. Quantify your results whenever you can 
6. When you fall short of goals, ask for feedback and realize what you learned and how it can be applied 
7. Talk about your weaknesses objectively. 
8. Even your challenges are opportunities to demonstrate creativity and problem-solving skills 

Prepare your Opening 
The most effective messages are carefully constructed and rehearsed. 

Relax! You don’t have to have every answer at the tip of your tongue 

Self-Disclosure or Self-Sabotage?
Women communicate to connect, create understanding and build relationships. 

We pull off our masks and make ourselves vulnerable to others. 

In the right moment, self-disclosure can be a powerful communication too. In the wrong setting, it is self-sabotage! 

The Struggle Between Two Poles – Passive vs Aggressive
The most effective communicators are assertive. This is a firm, factual, problem-solving communication choice. They respect others and respect themselves. They are honest about what they need, they are concerned about needs of others, they use facts, not emotions—to make their point. 

Put a Positive Frame Around Every Message
The words you choose are like a compass. Send people in the direction you want them to go. 

It is Absolutely NOT OK to Cry 

When You Avoid Conflict, You Incubate It 
Conflicts can be so uncomfortable, and we may be so tempted to push it under the rug. The problem with that plan is, eventually you will be tripping over all the bumpy rugs. 

Strategies for turning conflict into collaboration 
1. Turn your objections into questions – ask a question 
2. Mentally rehearse success 

Seven Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Message Right Now 
1. Lose the verbal wince 
2. Make eye contact 
3. Equalize posture 
4. Memorize a confident posture 
5. Be objective based in your communication 
6. Eliminate nonwords and words you use too much 
7. Align your message for real impact 

Dress for the Part 
Managing visual message includes physical presentation. 

Level it up or dress one level above the expectation 

1. Make sure clothing is pressed and clean 
2. Avoid hyper-trends and stick to timeless styles 
3. It is difficult to take a women in neon-blue, studded talons for nails seriously 
4. Make sure shoes are polished with no scuffs. Check your heels, if they need repair, fix them or throw them away 
5. Watch the hemline and neckline.  
6. Pay attention to details like dangling buttons and hems hanging by thread 
7. If you want to be taken seriously, dark colors are recommended 
8. Jewelry is an accent – not the main attraction 

Chapter 3 – Empower Yourself –What are you waiting for? 

Empowerment is defined as “equipping or supplying with ability; enabling.” 
We equip people with tools, information, skills and confidence. We enable them through training, practice, feedback, support and encouragement.  

Empower yourself with options – Always assume there are more options. This is hard because we are taught to color in lines. Keep it pretty and don’t make a mess. In life and business sometimes the best answers and the most productive response may be outside the lines. 

Solving the Right Problem 
Empower yourself that you will see the business from your vantage point, and you will notice things about the business even your boss doesn’t see. 

Your perspective is valuable, and so is your judgment. Develop the perspective. Trust your judgment. Learn to present your concerns and ideas effectively. 

Empower Yourself with Role Clarity 
Employees aren’t always sure where their roles and authorities roles begin and end. We come to our managers for clarification and leave a piece of our credibility behind. 

Empower Yourself Through Personal Accountability 
It’s not what you start with; it is what you do with it.  

“Somewhere along the ling, society and organizations have stimulated people to feel more responsible for explaining results than for achieving them.” 

Personal Accountability 
1. Ask the right questions 
2. Be a positive catalyst 
3. Empower yourself through optimism – “ the difference between an optimist and a pessimist Is the way they think about, talk and respond to setbacks” 
4. Your explanation is a sum of four factors: 
a. Duration: how long the event will last
b. Orientation: direction you are looking at 
c. Responsibility: focus or intention 
d. Scope: how much is impacted by this event 

Stop the Negative Flow 
1. Acknowledge what this person is feeling. It’s ok to say, “I know you are disappointed and discouraged.” 
2. Create a future focus: “how do you want this to turn out?” 
3. Transition a conversation about problems to a conversation about solutions: “what can you do to improve the outcome?” 
4. Offer options and alternatives: “what if you were to?” 

Empower Yourself With Ground Rules 
Good rules are operating agreements. They are prearranged decisions about how you do business – how you handle conflict, manage sensitive or confidential information and communicate. 

You Do Have Choices 
In every situation, you have three choices: 
1. You can accept the situation for what it is and how it is 
2. You can work to change it 
3. You can leave it 

Chapter 4 – Equip Yourself With Awareness 

Emotional Intelligence 
Set of intuitive skills. If you can make conscious choices, you give yourself more control. In the way, emotional intelligence is awareness. Increase your EI by increasing your awareness. 

People with high emotional intelligence: 
1. Recognize what they are feeling and why 
2. Assess themselves accurately 
3. Are confident and self-assured 
4. Demonstrate focus and self-control 
5. Build trust 
6. Take responsibility 
7. Adapt 
8. Innovate 
9. Are self-motivated 
10. Are deeply committed to the goals of group or organization 
11. Take extreme imitative 
12. Operate from an optimistic frame 
13. Empathize with others 
14. Develop and encourage others 
15. See diversity as an opportunity 
16. Understand the politics 
17. Influence others 
18. Communicate effectively 
19. Inspire people 
20. Initiate change 
21. Manage conflict and negation effectively 
22. Build a network of strong relationships 
23. Invite collaboration 
24. Create team performance and identity 

Increase Your Awareness of Others 

Check the Labels 
We all label people – it is our way to organizing, arranging and categorizing. 

Labels become filters that we listen through, and they can actually reinforce themselves. 

Reach for Deeper Understanding 
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood” 

Develop a Sense for the Situation 
When we step into a level of developing a sense of particular situation, we are in the moment and keenly aware of the circumstances. We understand the undercurrents, hidden agendas and sensitivities. We read in between lines and hear what isn’t said. And we think about the stakeholders and the stakes – understanding what people have, or perceive, to gain or to lose. 

Understand Your Organization 
Organizations are a collection of beliefs and values and norms. With each organization that are a set of rules-what is acceptable and what is not. 

Anticipatory Awareness
Readiness – develop this by continually asking “what’s next?”

Just like communication, awareness is also an inside-out job. It starts with self-awareness and ultimately becomes our connection with the future. 

Chapter 5 – Become a Skilled Negotiator 
“Everything is negotiable, and I can be a great negotiator” 

Here is a short list of what we can and should negotiate for: 
1. More challenging responsibilities 
2. More rewarding assignments 
3. More authority 
4. Greater flexibility or control in the way you do your job 
5. Training and professional development 
6. Research and tools 
7. Help at home

Emotional / Psychological Process 
1. How comfortable we are in  negotiation 
2. What we assume about this situation and our chances of success 
3. How much we trust the others involved 
4. What we perceive is at stake – what is to lose and what is to gain 

Logical / Rational Process 
1. Analyzing the situation – critical thinking 
2. Generating options and alternatives – creative thinking 
3. Problem solving 
4. Decision making 

Know Your Bottom Line  
BATNA – Best alternative to a negotiated agreement 

Make the Pie Bigger 
In negotiations there are two distinct strategies: distributive bargaining (claiming value) and integrative bargaining (creating value).  

Distributive Bargaining – negotiation tactics may include power plays like manipulations, force and withholding of information. Cards are help close to chest, and other side of negotiation is considered enemy. Negotiation is competition and there is only one pie. The goal is to get more pieces of it. 

Integrative or Collaborative Bargaining – it is possible for both sides of win; that is the goal. We believe we can make the pie bigger. We can create more value. Siders are primarily concerned with maximizing joint interests, and tactics include information sharing, collaboration, brainstorming and creative problem solving. 

When we give value, say so – make sure the other side knows they are receiving real value. 

The Enemies of Collaboration 
1. Defend positions rather than work to understand interests 
2. Fail to locate what matters most to everyone involved 
3. Are overly concerned with the needs of others at the expense of own needs 
4. Assume someone must win and someone must lose 
5. Allow emotions to dominate the process 
6. Let it get personal 

Focus on Why Rather than What 

Ask Questions to Discover What Matters Most 
1. What is your primary concern 
2. What is most important to you
3. Why is this important to you 

Chapter 6 – Lead From Your Current Position 

Leadership isn’t a title, and titles don’t guarantee leadership. 
Some of the most powerful people are not the decision makers- they are the people who influence the decision makers. 

The First Person You Must Learn to Lead Is You 
Personal leadership and mastery speak to work ethic, integrity, consistency, initiatives and discipline. 

Become a Time Management Expert
Leadership begins with who you are and becomes what you do. Ultimately, what you do becomes who you are. 

Make room for time – 4 Rooms (all your activities, tasks and commitments must be placed in one of them” 
1. Maximize – everything that we need to make better – actions you can take to be more prepared, informed, knowledgeable, effective and valuable 
2. Minimize – gather things that cause you to react. Situations that throw you in frenzy of crisis mode. Reduce the time you spend in this room 
3. Eliminate – everything that steals time – gossip, perfectionism, negativity, blame storming, fear and worry.  
4. Manage – meetings, interruptions and communications – conference calls, meetings, voicemails, emails and do you have a minute live 

The goal is to take inventory, put things in the proper place and spend your time where you will realize greatest return. 

Dozen Strategies to Maximize Time 
1. Make appointments with yourself 
2. Plan 60% of your time and leave 40% open to flex 
3. Know your top three priorities everyday 
4. Keep your daily tasks list to 10 items 
5. Set aside time to plan daily, weekly, monthly and annually 
6. Start your day in the room called Maximize 
7. Turn interruptions into appointments 
8. Beat procrastination by working ahead of deadline 
9. Use a time management system 
10. Once you have a plan, protect it 
11. Be especially careful when asked to make future commitments 
12. Diagnose your day 

Know Your Impact 
Check for the alignment between what you are doing and what matters most to the organization. The more aligned you are with the goals and priorities of the organization, the more valuable and relevant you become. 

Raising the Standard
You raise the standards when you: 
1. Separate yourself from people who are satisfied with what is mediocre 
2. Cultivate an optimistic, solution-oriented attitude 
3. Exceed performance expectations 
4. Look, sound and behave professionally 
5. Fiercely guard your integrity 
6. Demonstrate loyalty 
7. Deliver the highest quality work 
8. Take responsibility for your successes and failures 
9. Set an exceptional example 
10. Invest yourself in team accomplishments 

7 Ways to Demonstrate Extreme Imitative 
1. Make it unnecessary for your boss to ask 
2. Communicate goals and priorities 
3. Adopt a “no surprises” policy 
4. Present solutions 
5. Ask for more 
6. Adapt to your boss’s communication style 
7. Find a need and adopt a cause 

The Hardest Person to Manager May Be the One You Work For
1. Unrealistic deadlines 
2. Unclear expectations 
3. Ambiguous assignments 
4. Faltering support 
5. Generalized reactivity 
6. Defensive interactions 
7. To feel isolated, as in, its you against the world 

What Leadership Looks Like In You
1. Create extreme focus around what really matters 
2. Make progress visible to create monument and traction on the way to a goal 
3. Make the work meaningful, so people have real sense of purpose 
4. Equip and enable people for success 
5. Share information 
6. Build trust at every level 
7. Develop resiliency in themselves and others
8. Raise performance expectations 
9. Design opportunities for personal and professional growth 
10. Connect people to compelling vision 
11. Recognize and reward excellence  

Chapter 7 – Build a Bridge to the Future 

Bring the Future Into Focus
1. Where do you want to be in 5 years?
2. Where are you now?
3. What are your skills and strengths today?
4. What is your current education and experiential profile?
5. How do other perceive you now?
6. What are the gaps between where you are now and where you want to be?
7. What can you do to move closer to your career vision?
8. What is the hardest part of your development plan?
9. Whom do you need to meet and will support your plan and make it possible?

7 Ways to Build a Personal Network
1. Take more social initiative
2. Join organizations of interest
3. Business cards are a must 
4. Volunteer 
5. Manage your contacts 
6. Add real value 
7. Keep in touch 

Make an appointment with gratitude 

Leverage the power of mentoring 

Get the most out of mentoring 

Choices, Endings and Beginning
Before leaving the job you have, ask yourself accountable questions 
Be careful to not take the problem with you when you go 
There is no perfect job and every honeymoon will end 
You may have to move laterally to move forward, but rarely should you consider stepping backwards 
Never quit on the job 

Chapter 8 – Think Like a Project Manager 
These are the hallmark of professionalism and effectiveness: 
Ask defining questions to create a clear picture of expected results 
Speak more strategically 
Make confident decisions based on success criteria 
Plan more effectively, so important pieces don’t follow through 
Monitor progress on the way to your goals 
Keep people informed with relevant information 
Manage expectations to avoid disappointments with results 
Turn your stakeholders into shareholders 
Anticipate and manage risk strategically 
Imagine the ripple effect of your actions and nonactions 

Chapter 9 – Invest in the Success of Other 
An amazing transformation occurs when we lead others to the next level of performance or assist them in achieving their goals.  

Regardless of whether you directly manage people or not, you have the opportunity –the obligation even – to coach and mentor others.  

Leave people better than you found them
Gentle balance between concern for people and the concern for results – never sacrifice people for results or result for people. 

“As you reach forward with one hand, you must reach back with the other. You bring people with you on this journey of success.”

Give all the information away 
Find someone to mentor 
Develop a thinking people 
o Let people find their own answers 
o Teach other how to diagnose the issue 
o When a problem is escalated to you for solving, work through resolution with them, not for them 
o Provide the why behind the what 
o Keep resistance low by using I language 
o Plan to follow up 
o Focus forward 
o Design meaningful experiences for practice 
Master the model of feedback 
o Facts: what is happening 
o Feelings: how are you feeling about it?
o Impact: what is the impact on results, relationships and stakeholders?
o Commitment: what are you asking for?
Get specific with your requests 
Be a motivating force 
Pass it on 

Chapter 10 – Break through the Barriers 
12 Rules of Engagement
Find your empathy 
Build on the foundation of common group 
Use positive communications 
Trust has always been, and will always be, built in detail 
Use the right channel of communication 
Eliminate all back channel communications 
Never ever through a business partner under the bus 
Make it top priority and appreciate and recognize partners 
The cavalry is not coming 
Use partnering words like we and ours 
When things start to slide sideways, communicate more 
Ask yourself a few questions before sending a fire-ball email 

Chapter 11 – Add value to everything you do 
Sometimes we need to fall in love with our jobs again – to remember what we love about them and why we do what we do. 

Look for a way to add value to every task, every assignment and every communication. 

Who are your customers anyway?
Your customers are external and internal stakeholders of the organization. 

Make it easier for people to do business with you 

Bring solution to the table 

Help your organization anticipate the future 

Search for best practices 

Find yourself and stretch yourself 

Chapter 12 – Answering the Call
Potential is worthless until it is releases and realize.

You are building a brand.
Personal brands are defined in play when a group of managers discuss whom to promote and whom to trust with a critical project. Brands are at work when you interact with customers, colleagues, employees and boss. Your brand goes before you when you present ideas and negotiate for what you need to be successful. 

Sketch your brand  and Speak it 

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