Designed for Success
Chapter 1 – Call to Action
“Listen as wisdom calls out! Hear as understanding raiser her voices. On the hilltop along the road, she takes her stand at the crossroads.” – Proverb 8:1-2, NLT
Positive Stereotypes: Inclusive, Organized, Efficient, Hardworking, Supportive, Intuitive, Flexible, Relationship Oriented, Collaborative
Negative Stereotypes: Caretaking, Emotional, Less capable, Weak, Sensitive, Irrational, Passive, Lacking confidence, Dependent
Leadership Stereotypes: Rational, Analytical, Strategic, Direct, Visionary, Competitive, Focused, Results Oriented, Directive
Take a deep breath, pick up your hammer and prepare the shatter some glass
We construct virtual limits when we look outside ourselves to explain our disappointments or blame circumstances beyond our control.
Beware of overused skills
These are skills we are fond of because they have source of identity, recognition and promotion.
Overused skills become liabilities. For example, detail orientation is strength until it becomes overdone, then it is called perfectionism, nit-picking, waste of time and annoying.
3 things we must change
1) How we use our time
2) What we believe is important and focus on
3) The skills we need to be successful
Take responsibility of your own actions. Prepare yourself for leadership positions – mentors, sponsors and strong network are key strategies for women.
Chapter 2 – Manage Your Message from the Inside Out
How we present ourselves becomes what others believe about us. And what others believe about us and our abilities shapes their responses to us. Finally, the responses we receive from others come back around to reinforce the original belief.
What I believe about myself What I say to myself What I say about myself – how I present myself to others What others believe about me and how they responds to me
Release Your Internal Brake
Start with what you believe yourself, and then listen to what you say to yourself.
The Critic Living in Your Head
Manage self-talk by becoming more aware of it.
Once you isolate the negative messages, replace them with positive, empowering ones.
Never say anything to yourself or to anyone else that you do not sincerely wish to be true.
There is a Prophet Inside of you Predicting the Future
You will find that the beliefs that are limiting you by noticing what you believe about yourself, and what you expect for yourself. You release the internal brake by reflecting on your abilities, firing the critic and managing the prophet.
Marketing vs. Modesty
Make your progress visible, and your results obvious and your story compelling.
8 tips to marketing yourself graciously
1. Instead of talking about what you did, talk about the difference it made
2. Instead of talking about what you can’t do, talk about what you can do and what you are learning to do
3. Talk about your goals and how to plan to measure success
4. Debrief results with your boss candidly and without apology
5. Quantify your results whenever you can
6. When you fall short of goals, ask for feedback and realize what you learned and how it can be applied
7. Talk about your weaknesses objectively.
8. Even your challenges are opportunities to demonstrate creativity and problem-solving skills
Prepare your Opening
The most effective messages are carefully constructed and rehearsed.
Relax! You don’t have to have every answer at the tip of your tongue
Self-Disclosure or Self-Sabotage?
Women communicate to connect, create understanding and build relationships.
We pull off our masks and make ourselves vulnerable to others.
In the right moment, self-disclosure can be a powerful communication too. In the wrong setting, it is self-sabotage!
The Struggle Between Two Poles – Passive vs Aggressive
The most effective communicators are assertive. This is a firm, factual, problem-solving communication choice. They respect others and respect themselves. They are honest about what they need, they are concerned about needs of others, they use facts, not emotions—to make their point.
Put a Positive Frame Around Every Message
The words you choose are like a compass. Send people in the direction you want them to go.
It is Absolutely NOT OK to Cry
When You Avoid Conflict, You Incubate It
Conflicts can be so uncomfortable, and we may be so tempted to push it under the rug. The problem with that plan is, eventually you will be tripping over all the bumpy rugs.
Strategies for turning conflict into collaboration
1. Turn your objections into questions – ask a question
2. Mentally rehearse success
Seven Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Message Right Now
1. Lose the verbal wince
2. Make eye contact
3. Equalize posture
4. Memorize a confident posture
5. Be objective based in your communication
6. Eliminate nonwords and words you use too much
7. Align your message for real impact
Dress for the Part
Managing visual message includes physical presentation.
Level it up or dress one level above the expectation
1. Make sure clothing is pressed and clean
2. Avoid hyper-trends and stick to timeless styles
3. It is difficult to take a women in neon-blue, studded talons for nails seriously
4. Make sure shoes are polished with no scuffs. Check your heels, if they need repair, fix them or throw them away
5. Watch the hemline and neckline.
6. Pay attention to details like dangling buttons and hems hanging by thread
7. If you want to be taken seriously, dark colors are recommended
8. Jewelry is an accent – not the main attraction
Chapter 3 – Empower Yourself –What are you waiting for?
Empowerment is defined as “equipping or supplying with ability; enabling.”
We equip people with tools, information, skills and confidence. We enable them through training, practice, feedback, support and encouragement.
Empower yourself with options – Always assume there are more options. This is hard because we are taught to color in lines. Keep it pretty and don’t make a mess. In life and business sometimes the best answers and the most productive response may be outside the lines.
Solving the Right Problem
Empower yourself that you will see the business from your vantage point, and you will notice things about the business even your boss doesn’t see.
Your perspective is valuable, and so is your judgment. Develop the perspective. Trust your judgment. Learn to present your concerns and ideas effectively.
Empower Yourself with Role Clarity
Employees aren’t always sure where their roles and authorities roles begin and end. We come to our managers for clarification and leave a piece of our credibility behind.
Empower Yourself Through Personal Accountability
It’s not what you start with; it is what you do with it.
“Somewhere along the ling, society and organizations have stimulated people to feel more responsible for explaining results than for achieving them.”
1. Ask the right questions
2. Be a positive catalyst
3. Empower yourself through optimism – “ the difference between an optimist and a pessimist Is the way they think about, talk and respond to setbacks”
4. Your explanation is a sum of four factors:
a. Duration: how long the event will last
b. Orientation: direction you are looking at
c. Responsibility: focus or intention
d. Scope: how much is impacted by this event
Stop the Negative Flow
1. Acknowledge what this person is feeling. It’s ok to say, “I know you are disappointed and discouraged.”
2. Create a future focus: “how do you want this to turn out?”
3. Transition a conversation about problems to a conversation about solutions: “what can you do to improve the outcome?”
4. Offer options and alternatives: “what if you were to?”
Empower Yourself With Ground Rules
Good rules are operating agreements. They are prearranged decisions about how you do business – how you handle conflict, manage sensitive or confidential information and communicate.
You Do Have Choices
In every situation, you have three choices:
1. You can accept the situation for what it is and how it is
2. You can work to change it
3. You can leave it
Chapter 4 – Equip Yourself With Awareness
Set of intuitive skills. If you can make conscious choices, you give yourself more control. In the way, emotional intelligence is awareness. Increase your EI by increasing your awareness.
People with high emotional intelligence:
1. Recognize what they are feeling and why
2. Assess themselves accurately
3. Are confident and self-assured
4. Demonstrate focus and self-control
5. Build trust
6. Take responsibility
9. Are self-motivated
10. Are deeply committed to the goals of group or organization
11. Take extreme imitative
12. Operate from an optimistic frame
13. Empathize with others
14. Develop and encourage others
15. See diversity as an opportunity
16. Understand the politics
17. Influence others
18. Communicate effectively
19. Inspire people
20. Initiate change
21. Manage conflict and negation effectively
22. Build a network of strong relationships
23. Invite collaboration
24. Create team performance and identity
Increase Your Awareness of Others
Check the Labels
We all label people – it is our way to organizing, arranging and categorizing.
Labels become filters that we listen through, and they can actually reinforce themselves.
Reach for Deeper Understanding
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood”
Develop a Sense for the Situation
When we step into a level of developing a sense of particular situation, we are in the moment and keenly aware of the circumstances. We understand the undercurrents, hidden agendas and sensitivities. We read in between lines and hear what isn’t said. And we think about the stakeholders and the stakes – understanding what people have, or perceive, to gain or to lose.
Understand Your Organization
Organizations are a collection of beliefs and values and norms. With each organization that are a set of rules-what is acceptable and what is not.
Readiness – develop this by continually asking “what’s next?”
Just like communication, awareness is also an inside-out job. It starts with self-awareness and ultimately becomes our connection with the future.
Chapter 5 – Become a Skilled Negotiator
“Everything is negotiable, and I can be a great negotiator”
Here is a short list of what we can and should negotiate for:
1. More challenging responsibilities
2. More rewarding assignments
3. More authority
4. Greater flexibility or control in the way you do your job
5. Training and professional development
6. Research and tools
7. Help at home
Emotional / Psychological Process
1. How comfortable we are in negotiation
2. What we assume about this situation and our chances of success
3. How much we trust the others involved
4. What we perceive is at stake – what is to lose and what is to gain
Logical / Rational Process
1. Analyzing the situation – critical thinking
2. Generating options and alternatives – creative thinking
3. Problem solving
4. Decision making
Know Your Bottom Line
BATNA – Best alternative to a negotiated agreement
Make the Pie Bigger
In negotiations there are two distinct strategies: distributive bargaining (claiming value) and integrative bargaining (creating value).
Distributive Bargaining – negotiation tactics may include power plays like manipulations, force and withholding of information. Cards are help close to chest, and other side of negotiation is considered enemy. Negotiation is competition and there is only one pie. The goal is to get more pieces of it.
Integrative or Collaborative Bargaining – it is possible for both sides of win; that is the goal. We believe we can make the pie bigger. We can create more value. Siders are primarily concerned with maximizing joint interests, and tactics include information sharing, collaboration, brainstorming and creative problem solving.
When we give value, say so – make sure the other side knows they are receiving real value.
The Enemies of Collaboration
1. Defend positions rather than work to understand interests
2. Fail to locate what matters most to everyone involved
3. Are overly concerned with the needs of others at the expense of own needs
4. Assume someone must win and someone must lose
5. Allow emotions to dominate the process
6. Let it get personal
Focus on Why Rather than What
Ask Questions to Discover What Matters Most
1. What is your primary concern
2. What is most important to you
3. Why is this important to you
Chapter 6 – Lead From Your Current Position
Leadership isn’t a title, and titles don’t guarantee leadership.
Some of the most powerful people are not the decision makers- they are the people who influence the decision makers.
The First Person You Must Learn to Lead Is You
Personal leadership and mastery speak to work ethic, integrity, consistency, initiatives and discipline.
Become a Time Management Expert
Leadership begins with who you are and becomes what you do. Ultimately, what you do becomes who you are.
Make room for time – 4 Rooms (all your activities, tasks and commitments must be placed in one of them”
1. Maximize – everything that we need to make better – actions you can take to be more prepared, informed, knowledgeable, effective and valuable
2. Minimize – gather things that cause you to react. Situations that throw you in frenzy of crisis mode. Reduce the time you spend in this room
3. Eliminate – everything that steals time – gossip, perfectionism, negativity, blame storming, fear and worry.
4. Manage – meetings, interruptions and communications – conference calls, meetings, voicemails, emails and do you have a minute live
The goal is to take inventory, put things in the proper place and spend your time where you will realize greatest return.
Dozen Strategies to Maximize Time
1. Make appointments with yourself
2. Plan 60% of your time and leave 40% open to flex
3. Know your top three priorities everyday
4. Keep your daily tasks list to 10 items
5. Set aside time to plan daily, weekly, monthly and annually
6. Start your day in the room called Maximize
7. Turn interruptions into appointments
8. Beat procrastination by working ahead of deadline
9. Use a time management system
10. Once you have a plan, protect it
11. Be especially careful when asked to make future commitments
12. Diagnose your day
Know Your Impact
Check for the alignment between what you are doing and what matters most to the organization. The more aligned you are with the goals and priorities of the organization, the more valuable and relevant you become.
Raising the Standard
You raise the standards when you:
1. Separate yourself from people who are satisfied with what is mediocre
2. Cultivate an optimistic, solution-oriented attitude
3. Exceed performance expectations
4. Look, sound and behave professionally
5. Fiercely guard your integrity
6. Demonstrate loyalty
7. Deliver the highest quality work
8. Take responsibility for your successes and failures
9. Set an exceptional example
10. Invest yourself in team accomplishments
7 Ways to Demonstrate Extreme Imitative
1. Make it unnecessary for your boss to ask
2. Communicate goals and priorities
3. Adopt a “no surprises” policy
4. Present solutions
5. Ask for more
6. Adapt to your boss’s communication style
7. Find a need and adopt a cause
The Hardest Person to Manager May Be the One You Work For
1. Unrealistic deadlines
2. Unclear expectations
3. Ambiguous assignments
4. Faltering support
5. Generalized reactivity
6. Defensive interactions
7. To feel isolated, as in, its you against the world
What Leadership Looks Like In You
1. Create extreme focus around what really matters
2. Make progress visible to create monument and traction on the way to a goal
3. Make the work meaningful, so people have real sense of purpose
4. Equip and enable people for success
5. Share information
6. Build trust at every level
7. Develop resiliency in themselves and others
8. Raise performance expectations
9. Design opportunities for personal and professional growth
10. Connect people to compelling vision
11. Recognize and reward excellence
Chapter 7 – Build a Bridge to the Future
Bring the Future Into Focus
1. Where do you want to be in 5 years?
2. Where are you now?
3. What are your skills and strengths today?
4. What is your current education and experiential profile?
5. How do other perceive you now?
6. What are the gaps between where you are now and where you want to be?
7. What can you do to move closer to your career vision?
8. What is the hardest part of your development plan?
9. Whom do you need to meet and will support your plan and make it possible?
7 Ways to Build a Personal Network
1. Take more social initiative
2. Join organizations of interest
3. Business cards are a must
5. Manage your contacts
6. Add real value
7. Keep in touch
Make an appointment with gratitude
Leverage the power of mentoring
Get the most out of mentoring
Choices, Endings and Beginning
• Before leaving the job you have, ask yourself accountable questions
• Be careful to not take the problem with you when you go
• There is no perfect job and every honeymoon will end
• You may have to move laterally to move forward, but rarely should you consider stepping backwards
• Never quit on the job
Chapter 8 – Think Like a Project Manager
These are the hallmark of professionalism and effectiveness:
• Ask defining questions to create a clear picture of expected results
• Speak more strategically
• Make confident decisions based on success criteria
• Plan more effectively, so important pieces don’t follow through
• Monitor progress on the way to your goals
• Keep people informed with relevant information
• Manage expectations to avoid disappointments with results
• Turn your stakeholders into shareholders
• Anticipate and manage risk strategically
• Imagine the ripple effect of your actions and nonactions
Chapter 9 – Invest in the Success of Other
An amazing transformation occurs when we lead others to the next level of performance or assist them in achieving their goals.
Regardless of whether you directly manage people or not, you have the opportunity –the obligation even – to coach and mentor others.
Leave people better than you found them
Gentle balance between concern for people and the concern for results – never sacrifice people for results or result for people.
“As you reach forward with one hand, you must reach back with the other. You bring people with you on this journey of success.”
• Give all the information away
• Find someone to mentor
• Develop a thinking people
o Let people find their own answers
o Teach other how to diagnose the issue
o When a problem is escalated to you for solving, work through resolution with them, not for them
o Provide the why behind the what
o Keep resistance low by using I language
o Plan to follow up
o Focus forward
o Design meaningful experiences for practice
• Master the model of feedback
o Facts: what is happening
o Feelings: how are you feeling about it?
o Impact: what is the impact on results, relationships and stakeholders?
o Commitment: what are you asking for?
• Get specific with your requests
• Be a motivating force
• Pass it on
Chapter 10 – Break through the Barriers
12 Rules of Engagement
• Find your empathy
• Build on the foundation of common group
• Use positive communications
• Trust has always been, and will always be, built in detail
• Use the right channel of communication
• Eliminate all back channel communications
• Never ever through a business partner under the bus
• Make it top priority and appreciate and recognize partners
• The cavalry is not coming
• Use partnering words like we and ours
• When things start to slide sideways, communicate more
• Ask yourself a few questions before sending a fire-ball email
Chapter 11 – Add value to everything you do
Sometimes we need to fall in love with our jobs again – to remember what we love about them and why we do what we do.
Look for a way to add value to every task, every assignment and every communication.
Who are your customers anyway?
Your customers are external and internal stakeholders of the organization.
Make it easier for people to do business with you
Bring solution to the table
Help your organization anticipate the future
Search for best practices
Find yourself and stretch yourself
Chapter 12 – Answering the Call
Potential is worthless until it is releases and realize.
You are building a brand.
Personal brands are defined in play when a group of managers discuss whom to promote and whom to trust with a critical project. Brands are at work when you interact with customers, colleagues, employees and boss. Your brand goes before you when you present ideas and negotiate for what you need to be successful.
Sketch your brand and Speak it